i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
