I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
