I faked an abortion last night.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
