I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
