the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
