Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The power of my boobs compel you
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
