Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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