I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
