this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
