There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize