Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
