i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
