Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
