i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
