so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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