I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
