even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
