I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize