Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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