ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
