Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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