Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
