You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
