its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
