No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
