Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
