I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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