I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
