Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
