I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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