I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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