Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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