I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
