Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
