please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
this will be a night to untag.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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