It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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