I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize