i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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