I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
