i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He has the fingertips of a God
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