I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
