What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
