I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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