Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize