I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
