that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it glows. i had to have it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
