I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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