Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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