So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize