If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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