I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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