Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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