so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
