"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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