this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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