Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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