lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
