i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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