If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
