hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
