Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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