totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
