Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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