my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
