Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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