she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize