I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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