Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
