There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My penis needs a shock collar
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
you made out with another girl for some wings
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
