If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
