And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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