you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
