I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Randomize
