Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
