Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
