she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
