Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
