She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
