so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
