you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
