Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We had sex on a dog bed..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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