I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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