38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
