so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
