i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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