I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
