Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Everyone says I win the strip club
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
